Here is our 6th compilation. Don’t hesitate to submit your own stories.
At one point during a family dinner my 4-year-old son asks for an Ipad. We start joking at him,
— There’re no games on it. What’re you gonna do with it?
— I’m gonna watch cartoons!
— How’re you going to watch cartoons if you can’t read and write?
— Okay Google. Disney cartoons!
Evening. My son comes up to me and says,
— Let’s do our morning exercise!
— But we’ve already exercised today.
— Put the video on. I’ll exercise without you.
I put the workout DVD on. When I come back in a couple of minutes,
I see the girls working out on the screen, while Jack’s sitting in his chair, looking at all this and
eating cake. My boy!
While trying to open a can with a knife, I cut my finger. My daughter sees it and says to calm me down,
— Dad’s gonna come home soon. He’ll fix your finger.
Then she thinks it over for a couple of minutes and adds,
— You know, mom… I think we should buy you a new finger.
I’m scared of flying so we always travel by car. My 4-year-old daughter Patty says after another long drive,
— Mom, don’t be afraid of flying. They’ll tell us when to jump off the plane!
The other day I was at a toy store with my boy begging to buy him a gun. After a while, I bent over him and asked,
— Are you gonna love me more then?
To which Johny replied,
— Mom, I’m already at the breaking point!
Morning. I was a little angry cause I can’t draw a straight line with a liquid eyeliner. Here comes my Liza with:
Mom, why do you need that much makeup? To be prettier, you only need to speak less.
She’s so young but yet so wise…
My husband and I come to realize our 10-year-old daughter watches too many cartoons on TV and on the Internet and we need to stop it. So, my husband has some errands to run and he’s about to leave. He says,
— Just don’t let her watch cartoons!
So, there’s just the two of us. I teach her how to read and then we play for a while. Then she comes up to me and says,
— Mommy, will you let me watch some TV while daddy’s not at home?
— What? Why?
— That’s what dad always does. He’s like, “Do you want to watch some TV while mommy’s not at home?”
I’m cleaning up. My son’s beating the drum.
— Mom, let’s play! Let’s pretend we’re running a restaurant!
— Okay. How?
— Well, I’ll be a musician and you’ll be a janitor. :))
This winter my Valerie just stops short and then says,
— Mom, when I grow up, I don’t want my tits to look like icicles!
Once I was trying to clean my son’s nose, just to get the boogies out 🙂 So Nick gets annoyed and says,
— Don’t touch them! They’re not biting me. They’re just living in there.
My daughter returns from a Christmas party they held at the daycare center. Her pockets are full of candy. She carefully unwraps each piece, smells it, licks or takes a bite. We ask her,
— What’re you doing?
Her reply’s amazing,
— I’m checking if it’s real.
— Because Santa wasn’t. What if the candy isn’t real either?
At age 3 my son was obsessed with cars. That’s what our conversations would be like:
— Let’s wash your butt!
— It’s not a butt! It’s a truck!
And when he wanted to pay his mom a compliment, he’d say,
— Mom, your face’s as round as a wheel.
I was exhausted. I went to sleep at about 3 a.m. When I heard the alarm in the morning, I realized I just couldn’t get up. My husband saw that and decided to take care of our baby girl himself (tooth brushing, breakfast and suchlike). So here she is eating her yogurt when she suddenly gets angry with me,
— Why is mom still sleeping? Is she glued to the bed? What is it that she has there? Double-sided tape?
I’m putting my daughter to bed. She turns to one side saying,
— Mom, hug me. My back’s cold…
Then she turns to the other side and mumbles in a sleepy voice,
— Now I need you to warm my heart…
A dialogue with my son (4 years 9 months old),
— Son, are you still friends with Alice?
— No, she’s crying all the time…
— Why is she crying?
— She’s crying when she’s punched.
— Who punches her?
We’re walking past trash cans and there’re four cats sitting around them. Anastasia (3 years 8 months old) blows them a kiss and says,
— Mommy, I love cats! They’re healthy and rich in vitamins.
We’re walking on the beach and see seagulls standing in a line and looking at the sea to which my daughter says,
— Perhaps, one of them has drowned and the rest are here to say good bye to it…
We always remind our son to wash her hands before meals because otherwise he’ll have germs living in her belly.
One day he asked,
— Mommy, when I’m eating ice cream, do the germs think it’s snowing?
A new one story:
— Mom, can you imagine… I was at school today… two lectures and a seminar… then we went to a movie theater with Sarah and then to a restaurant with Julia…
— And no one’s bothered to tell me I put makeup only on one of my eyes!
This happened back in the 60s to my mom little brother who was 3 at the time. He was listening to the Little Red Riding Hood story through headphones. Their grandmother was home reading something. A few minutes, Chris asks her,
— Grandma, why does she (Little Red Riding Hood) need so many pieces of cake?
— Well, because her grandmother’s old and she likes cake.
A minute later my brother asks again,
— Grandma, why so much cake?
— Darling, Little Red Riding Hood is a very kind girl. On her way to her grandmother’s, she’ll give some cake to a fox, rabbit and other animals she meets.
Chris seemed to understand all her explanations but kept asking the question over and over again. When our grandmother got tired of answering the same questions, she took the headphones and put them on. Here’s what she heard,
— Here’s a piece of cake… Here’s a piece of cake… Here’s a piece of cake… Here’s a piece of cake…
Well, the record was skipping.…