Here is part two of our compilations!
Max is three and a half years old. He says to me one day, “When I grow up, I’ll marry you, mom.”
“What about dad though?” I ask.
“Oh, he’ll be our son then.”
A couple of days ago, our daughter Katie announced she was going to be a princess when she grew up. Got all fancied up in a nice dress and decked out with beads and necklaces and bows and whatnot. By the time my husband came home in the evening that day, Katie was all disheveled and not really ladylike at all. So he says, “Sweetie, surely a princess would never have feet as dirty as yours? Go and wash up!”
To which she replied without skipping a beat, “Okay, then I’ll just be an astronaut instead!”
My 8-year-old son had an argument with his older sister and felt victimized. So he said, “If only I knew I’d have a sister like you, I’d never be born!”
I’m riding the elevator with a young mom and her son of about 4 years of age. The kid says, “I drew a picture for you for Mother’s Day. It’s got flowers! You know: roses, lilies, tulips, weeds…”
My daughter Kate loved the Sing cartoon, “especially the pig, coz he’s so human!”
I knew my daughter had it all figured out when she said, “People throw birthday parties because it helps take their minds off the awful thoughts of getting old and dead!”
We have a son and a daughter, 8 and 4 years old respectively. I overheard them discuss family values the other day.
Jake: Our parents love each other. After all, they did get married, didn’t they? It’s a pity though that mom doesn’t always understand dad.
Cassie: Well, they’re married ALREADY, so why would she even need to?
My daughter is in third grade. One day, she was doing her math homework.
Her: Hey mom! Did you like math at school?
Me: No, not really.
Her: I really do take after you then! I don’t like math, and my bum is huge.
My 5-year-old daughter asked me the other day if Dr. Seuss was dead. I had to admit that, sadly, yes, he was.
“So who’s gonna write all the nice stories and poems now, huh?!”
“Life is just like movies and toons: first it’s all good, then it gets worse, then it gets even worser, and then all back to good again,” said Lily, my 5-year-old, the other day.
My friend Jackie’s 6-year-old son Ben is afraid of swimming. Well, more like “reasonably disinterested” in the matter. His daycare center has a pool, but they haven’t managed to make him get in the water yet.
So my friend is trying to cheer him up.
Jackie: Come on, what’s there to be afraid of? You’ve got a coach; she’s taking care of all of you!
Ben (looking at her in disbelief): NOBODY! Has EVER! Seen her! Get in the water AND SWIM! She’s always outside, ALL DRESSED UP and shouting things! Would YOU, mom, trust your swimming AND YOUR LIFE to someone like her?!
The other day I hit my knee on a chair really bad. So I’m sitting down on that chair and cradling my leg, being miserable and in pain. My 4-year-old daughter comes up to me and asks, “Does it hurt, mommy?”
“Oh yes, it hurts so much!” I reply to her.
“Well, at least you’re very pretty, so it’s not all that bad!” says my angel.
A few days ago, I was driving my son home from school. He was sitting all quiet in the backseat, and then suddenly goes, “Dad, I know why cats hate bathing and showering!”
“And why is that then?” I ask.
“They’ve all got fleas, and fleas don’t want to get washed away, so they cling and grab on real tight, and it hurts the poor cats!”
My son is three and a half years old, and he’s a typical boy of his age. Sometimes, he’s in the mood to ignore me, or, even worse, do the exact opposite thing to what I ask him to do. When he’s having a moment like that, it’s no use raising my voice or threatening with punishment, let alone “reasoning with him”.
I’ve found a mysterious way to deal with these periods of his, though. I’m a German translator, and the moment I start speaking German to him, he immediately cuts his rebellious mood short and does exactly as I demanded earlier. I don’t teach him German, so it’s just the mere sound of the language that’s got such a weird effect on him! Oh, and you should see him when I DO raise my voice AND speak German!…
I gotta stop sometime, though; might be messing with his head too much!
I’ve been married to my wife for 7 years, and it’s been a thing between us since we first got together that I call her “my little one”; it’s like “baby”, but not that common, and she’s quite petite, so it stuck naturally.
One day, I come back from work; my wife hugs me, and I ask her, “So how was your day, my little one?”
My 5-year-old daughter comes racing into the hallway, shrieking, “I AM your little one! Mommy has been big a long time, she’s too big to be little!”
I’m taking my kid to her playschool, and she’s talking about her friend Nicky.
“Nicky is three, and I’m already four. I win!”
I reply to that, “Well, and I am thirty already, so I win!”
My daughter looks at me very seriously and says, “No, mom, being thirty you definitely lose here.”
My mom was picking up my nephew from his drawing class. Something went wrong that day: he couldn’t draw neatly enough, or he didn’t finish on time, I dunno. Either way, he was upset, and he said, “I totally HATE drawing! I hate drawing, I hate watercolors, I hate pencils, I hate paper, I hate brushes, and I hate squirrels!”
My mom was like, “But why squirrels?” to which he replied, “Cos they make brushes out of squirrel hair.”